Pun Gents :: Original* Puns
For older Puns of the Day, see archive. *Except where indicated, all jokes on this site were written by The Gents
05/17/12
Dog supermarkets became incredibly noisy after the introduction of bark odes .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: dogs , shopping , supermarkets , tech | 1 COMMENT »
05/16/12
The spread of Walmart is like a plague of low-costs .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: business , insects , plagues , walmart | COMMENT »
05/15/12
Selling coffee is a mugs game .
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| Topic: business , coffee , food and drink | COMMENT »
05/14/12
Cannibalism is tough. It’s Doug eat Doug out there.
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cannibalism | COMMENT »
05/13/12
Gregor Samsa woke from uneasy dreams to discover he had become a farm animal. With bronchitis. How bizarre! It was Coughcowesque .
VIDEO
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: coughing , cows , kafka , literature , neuroses and disorders | COMMENT »
05/12/12
Bjork sings in Icelandic pentameter ?
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bjork , music , poetry , songs | COMMENT »
05/11/12
I was prescribed bed rest, after I underwent Lay Sick surgery .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: illness , medicine , surgery | COMMENT »
05/10/12
Yiddish cannibal’s favourite food: Shiksa kebob .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cannibalism , food and drink , yiddish | COMMENT »
05/09/12
They had a smoked salmon fundaising lunch for the President at which he gave a speech. It was sold out–lox, talk and Barry O .
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: barack obama , fish , food and drink , fundraising , lunch , politics , salmon , us politics , USA , world leaders | 1 COMMENT »
05/08/12
What is the cur rent price to lease a dog?
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , dogs | 1 COMMENT »
05/07/12
Call me scent o’ mental , but when I talk to you I can smell the crazy.
(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: insanity , insults , mental illness , smell | COMMENT »
05/06/12
If they killed all the sheep it would be a cull lambity .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , disasters , sheep , violence | 1 COMMENT »
05/05/12
I’ll eat a bacon sandwich, although it’s rather bunpignified behaviour.
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: bacon , food and drink , pigs , sandwiches | COMMENT »
05/04/12
I lost five pounds just by farting. Finally I see the air of my weighs .
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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| Topic: bodily functions , farts , hygiene , weight loss | 1 COMMENT »
05/03/12
The story of how I discovered cutlery is completely metaforkal .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cutlery , discoveries , kitchens | 3 COMMENTS »
05/02/12
Puns should be banned in schools: they’re a dolt humour.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: puns about puns | 1 COMMENT »
05/01/12
To kill all the cows, you need moo clear weapons .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cows , war | 1 COMMENT »
04/30/12
Witness the history of botched castrations at the Err in Spays Museum .
(2 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: castration , history , museum | 1 COMMENT »
04/29/12
Drinking from an aquarium is the height of eau-fishness.
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: aquariums , fish , water | COMMENT »
04/28/12
The hedge-money of the investment bankers is over.
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: banking , economy , money | COMMENT »
04/27/12
Spock was an organ donor. “Leave lung and prosper. “
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , famous quotes , medicine , spock , star trek | COMMENT »
04/26/12
Which animals like to get drunk? Caribous . They love elkohol , they gazelle it down; especially Moosehead . There’s nothing quite like an ice cold deer .
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: alcohol , animals , caribou , deer , drunkeness , moose , ungulates | 1 COMMENT »
04/25/12
The Icelandic parliament is in recess. Althings must come to an end.
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: government , iceland , politics | COMMENT »
04/24/12
To preserve our marriage, my wife and I have a no pun relationship .
(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: marriage , puns about puns , relationships | COMMENT »
04/23/12
A misplaced comma can cause a lot of confusion. Did you know that Nicholas Cage auditioned for Dirty, Hairy ?
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: celebrities , movies , nicholas cage , punctuation | COMMENT »
04/22/12
How does a permanent marker work? I simply can’t de-scribe it.
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: pens , random , writing | COMMENT »
04/21/12
When someone told me there had been a mixup and all my sausage was buried underground, I immediately exhumed the wurst .
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: accidents , fear , food and drink , sausage | 1 COMMENT »
04/20/12
I was sick at home, so drank some OJ. Might as well make myself juiceful around the house.
(4 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: food and drink , laziness , orange juice , sickness | COMMENT »
04/19/12
Dear Pun Gents , I am doing an obstacle 5K with co-workers called the Hell Run. The team is 12 girls and 3 guys and we were all given funny hell names. We need a team name. ~Christina, Kent, WA
AS THE PUN GENTS SEE IT:
Hades and Gentlemen
With a Little Hell From my Friends
Damn Nation
Singe City
The Charred Toppers
Weekend at Burnies
Hell Run Hubbards
Lucifers Place
Sulphurin’ Succotash
Killin’ Hellers
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: running , team name | COMMENT »
04/19/12
When Tyson bit Holyfield, it was earie .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: boxing , evander holyfield , mike tyson , violence | COMMENT »
04/18/12
I went to Cuba–and now I’m cigared for life.
(3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)
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| Topic: cigars , cuba , psychological trauma | COMMENT »
04/17/12
I tried to cross a cow with a marsupial, but everyone said it wasn’t possum-bull .
(2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , cows , possums | 1 COMMENT »
04/16/12
Donkeys are smart. They have a lot of brayin’ power .
(2 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: animals , donkeys , intelligence | COMMENT »
04/15/12
If you fire someone arbitrarily, then it’s just cuz .
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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| Topic: jobs , lawyers , the workplace | COMMENT »
04/14/12
I made a pass, and the woman at the bar threw her drink at me. That sent Chivas down my spine.
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: alcohol , bars , dating , drunkeness , sexual harrassment | COMMENT »
04/13/12
To pass a law, the Queen must fart. Only then will it have royal ass scent .
(2 votes, average: 2.50 out of 5)
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| Topic: bodily functions , farts , politics , the queen | COMMENT »
04/12/12
The hungriest sea creatures are the starfish .
(2 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: fish , hunger , sea creatures , under the sea | COMMENT »
04/11/12
Escape from a moving transport truck? I can’t–I’m a freight .
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: cars , fear , transportation , trucks | COMMENT »
03/30/12
Which band’s ride always broke down? Van Ailin’
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: bands , music , van halen | 1 COMMENT »
03/29/12
A chivalrous knight wears nice clothes: Mine is a suede of armoir .
(1 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: chivalry , clothes , fashion , knight | COMMENT »
03/28/12
Nomads are the calmest people.
(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: ethnic groups , sociology | COMMENT »
03/27/12
Sitting down is something I chairish .
(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: furniture , random | 1 COMMENT »
03/26/12
Despite his towering intellect, Plato was a promiscuous womanizer, who inspired generations of feel lotsa furs .
(4 votes, average: 2.75 out of 5)
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| Topic: ancient greece , history , philosopher , plato , sex | COMMENT »
03/25/12
A husband was accused by his wife of farting. His plea: I no scent.
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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| Topic: bodily functions , crime , farts , marriage | COMMENT »
03/24/12
Austria started WWI because it had no Franz .
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: franz ferdinand , history , war , world leaders , world war one | COMMENT »
03/23/12
They say Marilyn Monroe had a photographic mammary .
(5 votes, average: 4.60 out of 5)
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| Topic: anatomy , beauty , celebrities , marilyn monroe , memory , photography | COMMENT »
03/22/12
Converting wood into toilet paper has no rhetorical defensibility. I see through your softest-tree !
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: logic , rhetoric , the environment , toilet paper , wood | COMMENT »
03/21/12
The rich but deranged warlord kept a harem of midget concubines who slept outside. Clearly this was a man of imp whore tents .
(4 votes, average: 3.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: camping , prostitutes and pornography , the little people | 1 COMMENT »
03/20/12
An eastern US mountain range by any other name would still be the Appalachian .
(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)
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| Topic: geography , mountains | COMMENT »
03/19/12
Converting to Hinduism has dharmatic consequences.
(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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| Topic: hinduism , religion | COMMENT »