Dog supermarkets became incredibly noisy after the introduction of bark odes.

The spread of Walmart is like a plague of low-costs.

Selling coffee is a mugs game.

Cannibalism is tough. It’s Doug eat Doug out there.

Gregor Samsa woke from uneasy dreams to discover he had become a farm animal. With bronchitis. How bizarre! It was Coughcowesque.

Bjork sings in Icelandic pentameter?

I was prescribed bed rest, after I underwent Lay Sick surgery.

Yiddish cannibal’s favourite food: Shiksakebob.

They had a smoked salmon fundaising lunch for the President at which he gave a speech. It was sold out–lox, talk and Barry O.

What is the cur rent price to lease a dog?

Call me scent o’ mental, but when I talk to you I can smell the crazy.

If they killed all the sheep it would be a cull lambity.

I’ll eat a bacon sandwich, although it’s rather bunpignified behaviour.

I lost five pounds just by farting. Finally I see the air of my weighs.

The story of how I discovered cutlery is completely metaforkal.

Puns should be banned in  schools: they’re a dolt humour.

To kill all the cows, you need moo clear weapons.

Witness the history of botched castrations at the Err in Spays Museum.

Drinking from an aquarium is the height of eau-fishness.

The hedge-money of the investment bankers is over.

Spock was an organ donor. “Leave lung and prosper.“

Which animals like to get drunk? Caribous. They love elkohol, they gazelle it down; especially Moosehead. There’s nothing quite like an ice cold deer.

The Icelandic parliament is in recess. Althings must come to an end.

To preserve our marriage, my wife and I have a no pun relationship.

A misplaced comma can cause a lot of confusion. Did you know that Nicholas Cage auditioned for Dirty, Hairy?

How does a permanent marker work? I simply can’t de-scribe it.

When someone told me there had been a mixup and all my sausage was buried underground, I immediately exhumed the wurst.

I was sick at home, so drank some OJ. Might as well make myself juiceful around the house.

When Tyson bit Holyfield, it was earie.

I went to Cuba–and now I’m cigared for life.

I tried to cross a cow with a marsupial, but everyone said it wasn’t possum-bull.

Donkeys are smart. They have a lot of brayin’ power.

If you fire someone arbitrarily, then it’s just cuz.

I made a pass, and the woman at the bar threw her drink at me. That sent Chivas down my spine.

To pass a law, the Queen must fart. Only then will it have royal ass scent.

The hungriest sea creatures are the starfish.

Escape from a moving transport truck? I can’t–I’m a freight.

Which band’s ride always broke down? Van Ailin’

A chivalrous knight wears nice clothes: Mine is a suede of armoir.

Nomads are the calmest people.

Sitting down is something I chairish.

Despite his towering intellect, Plato was a promiscuous womanizer, who inspired generations of feel lotsa furs.

A husband was accused by his wife of farting. His plea: I no scent.

Austria started WWI because it had no Franz.

They say Marilyn Monroe had a photographic mammary.

Converting wood into toilet paper has no rhetorical defensibility. I see through your softest-tree!

The rich but deranged warlord kept a harem of midget concubines who slept outside. Clearly this was a man of imp whore tents.

An eastern US mountain range by any other name would still be the Appalachian.

Converting to Hinduism has dharmatic consequences.